Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
