Hey man sorry I got all grabby
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
