I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
