I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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