The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
