Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
