i permit you to call me
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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