they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
