It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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