Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
