and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
