I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
soo... how was my night?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
