There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I accidentally had phone sex last night
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
