so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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