It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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