I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
