I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
