I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
