Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
