Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Say something about gay babies.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
