you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
