Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
