I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
