You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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