why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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