it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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