My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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