So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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