In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
