You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
