exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
