Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
