dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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