Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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