i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
