I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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