Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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