i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
