Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
