just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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