Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
