bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
