i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
