I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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