plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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