this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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