I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
