i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
