i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I have tasted many bathrooms
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
