I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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