the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
