He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
